Happy Friday before Christmas!
Part of me is like Holy Shit it's the Friday before Christmas and not all my shopping is done. Plus there are two weeks left of the dumpster fire that is 2020.
Today's topic is deep for me. I really don't address it if at all. It's basically my pink elephant in the room. I am going to be very venerable here and talk about gym anxiety.
When I started Personal Training school. I was excited because I was going to learn how to make people better like I had become. But Unfornately I learned the hard way. My graduation anniversary is next week as well which I plan to recap on another post.
My anxiety began during my 2nd year. I was working on "training" people (mainly massage instructors who took pity on me) but every time I would try to train/design a workout for my "client" I never did good enough my instructor always tore me down and never lifted me up. It tore me down mentally and physically. I started to dread training and I would hide in the locker room until it was almost time to start. I didn't want to face my instructor alone because I felt uncomfortable around her.
After the training session, I would practically cry on the drive home, often stopping for fast food or a Hersey bar. I am an emotional eater and I'm trying to be better about it again but it's like a being a drug addict. I soon feared the gym the one place that I called my happy place. It made things very hard because I had take classes (as part one of my assignments) at local gyms and my instructor hated Jazzercise which I was taking at the time as well.
It has hard to overcome the fear that really tore me apart.
For someone who used to hate the gym when she started this journey, then learned to love it, once again hates and fears it. The gym shouldn't be a place of fear I know but now with the pandemic, I still can't bring myself to go. Even though I have put myself at risk numerous times since I am an essential worker, I go to the grocery store, etc.
I am hoping before Christmas that I can go to the gym and keep a routine again.
Have a great weekend!
That (soon to be) Fit Pinup
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